19 February 2001, Monday

Authority. I have always thought that this should never be lost in a classroom. I remember the discussion I had with Dr. Toralba on my idea of what a teacher should be. I talked to him about the value of friendship in dealing with the students. I also pointed out to him that the challenge on the teacher lies on knowing where to draw the line between friendship and authority. I have always been a synthesizer of ideas and this is one of those that I want to make ends meet. I know I cannot be at all chummy-chummy with my students all the time, but it helps a lot because they listen to you.

Since I thought that I have already bonded with my students well enough—being in a seminar with them for 3 days and 2 nights, being their adviser for a school year, teaching them for three years on different subjects, and being with them in the school bus for two years—I thought I need to sharpen on my authority. Yes, yes, I know it’s stupid of me to just work on this now when this should have been worked out on when I started teaching. Sometimes I feel that they are already abusing my closeness to them that they can dictate the due dates of their papers or they freely ask me for a free period and put the class aside. It’s only now that I took this word “authority” seriously.

I entered my first class today with AUTHORITY written on my mind. I greeted the first years a “Good Morning” and I waited for everyone to stand up to greet me back. When I noticed that some people seem to behave as if I were not there, I called their attention mentioning their names “Good morning, Sanndra. Good morning, Maia…” They stood up and greeted me on their own. Once everyone had stood up, I greeted them again a “good morning” and I let them sit. Whew! So much for asking for some respect. It’s a Lit class. We were supposed to discuss “The Iliad.” I would ask questions (Socrates style) and let them answer. I would not allow, however, people talking at the same time. As an authority in the classroom, I try to moderate the discussion as well, setting up the rule that they should raise their hand if they want to answer. At times, I allowed them to talk even if they did not raise their hands as long as nobody else was talking. I would signal some students to stop talking and wait for the one already speaking to finish first. I think I got the discipline that I expected but I’m sure that it’s not a master teacher’s standard. It is also in that moment that I realized that I really have to master the subject matter if I want to also address the idea of authority in the classroom. It is difficult to be thinking about your lesson and thinking about how to discipline the class without sacrificing the friendly relation between the student and the teacher. It is so difficult! But it’s worth the initiation for the future that is still ahead of me.

And yet, another class that is very different from the first years: the second years. With the first years, authority is very important. They are the type who do not have initiative and depend a lot on teacher’s commands. The second years, on the other hand, have a lot of initiative if not an overabundance of it. I really love this class. They do not need motivation. They have a lot of energy to spill out for your class. Some doodle in class—at least they are quiet!—but I seldom get their attention. Besides they are already second high school and I want to show them that I respect freedom very much only up to the point that they are not disturbing the class. So doodling is fine for me. (I did it anyway before so I completely understand the way they feel!) Well, if she’s been doodling in my class for n times already, I would sometimes get her attention by directing to her a question for the discussion. For instance, last week we tackled one character in the General Prologue of “The Canterbury Tales”. When I noticed someone drawing in her notebook, I referred to her character and asked her, “so what does your drawing say about the Monk?” I felt very sarcastic! Was I? But I did get her attention. But was it correct? This is why I would ask them to evaluate me as a teacher. (Actually, one student—the more quiet one—said that I was! )They do not know much about a good teacher (theoretically speaking), but their comments and suggestions help. Anyway, despite the fact that they are doodling, they still listen, and I know they do because they make comments about their classmates’ answers.

Oh yeah, there was also something very different in today’s class with the second years: the top students were out for a seminar in Woodrose, their sister school. When I heard that they were out, I did not know what to expect with the class—was it going to be as lively as before or was it going to be a quiet one? And so the period came and I entered their classroom. The class was well-behaved. When we started the discussion, I was surprised that the class was even noisier! More students were able to make more side comments than ever as if without any hesitation. Everyone was giving in their insights whether they were right or wrong. They were completely enjoying the discussion! I don’t know, one reason could be because the class was after their break or another reason could be because the top students were out and they feel less intimidated to speak out. I heard voices of students I never heard before! It was amazing. I even enjoyed it more with them today. Sigh…of course, I cannot keep the good ones out of the class, can I? I wonder how I can remedy this kind of situation. I want my objectives to be met you know!
Oh well, back to the old drawing board for me I guess…